Three more to round out 2014

Squatter's Snowbird Dunkelweizen is true to the style with a distinct taste of banana. Even though it was well chilled, it poured with a nice head. Because of the prominent flavor component, not an ideal session beer. 

Shades of Pale Publican Pale Ale. Probably my favorite of the evening. Attractive in the glass. Malty smell and taste. Reminds me somewhat of Deschutes Mirror Pond but with a slightly odd finish but still good. 

Eager to learn more about Shades of Pale brewing, I hopped over to their Facebook page and, as with a lot of what I see on FB, I came away with a lower opinion of the human race. Evidently, they are changing the label on Publican Pale Ale. Seems some folks thought it was a reference to "republicans."  If this is the case, I hope those idiots who didn't know the difference will keep drinking and stop voting. (You can take the beer snob out of remedial reading but you'll never take the remedial reading out of some beer snobs, I guess.)

Last up was Squeaky Bike Brown Ale from Moab Brewery. This one was okay; looked nice and all, but it just seemed to lack something. I'd be willing to try it again some time, even if the bike reference strikes me as a bit over done. 

I expect there will be more beers this evening-it's New Year's Eve for hell's sake!  I will resolve to do more posting in 2015

Widmer Brothers Citra Blonde

It's been too long since I posted here and it pains me to have to post a negative review but here you go. 

I have enjoyed every Widmer Brothers product I have had until now. I'm afraid Citra Blonde is, um, a bit dreadful. I bought a mixed 12-pack that included a few bottles of this. I'm afraid I have to say that I hope the brothers don't bother to being this out next summer. Here's a photo of the product at hand. 

In Praise of...Brew Masters on Discovery Channel

Watch it!

This is just a quick post to get out ahead of Sunday night’s television lineup.

Mrs. BeerRant and I watched the first episode of Discovery Channel's Brew Masters this morning – TiVoed from a week ago or earlier.

I like it, A LOT. Mrs. BeerRant liked it too (and she’s way pickier than me when it comes to television watching. Picking husbands? Eh, not so much, I guess. Lucky for me.)

I’ve gone on at length here about my feelings regarding Dogfish Head’s brews. For my previous posts about DFH Brewing go HERE. I’ve tried one of their raisin concoctions, a peach disaster, an IPA, a chicory stout, an Indian brown ale and their pumpkin beer. I like the chicory, the brown ale and the pumpkin beer, which puts them at a 50% success rate in my book. (No reason to give up on someone at 50%, hell if that was the case Mrs. BeerRant would have left me years ago!) Bottom line: I like enough of their beers to continue trying them simply on their record alone, but factor in the personality behind the brewery and I’m always willing to give them a shot. So far, the series Brew Masters is at 100 percent.

I think you’ll find that the first episode of Brew Masters shows Sam Calagione to be a personable, fun-loving but hard-working guy; an image you probably picked up on in the documentary film Beer Wars, as well.

Now, the question that pops into my head is whether there’s just a bit of the Emperor’s New Clothes at work during the tasting session, in which all the folks gush over the release of Bitches Brew brewed in honor of the anniversary of the Mile’s Davis album of the same name from the 1970s. I’ve often tasted beer in front of the brewer and, though I didn’t think it was top notch, I’ve said it was good – that’s a weakness of mine and I rarely put myself in that position these days, preferring to spout off here where I can go all “beer jerk” if I don’t like a particular beer. Anyhow, I wonder if Sam got the same sort of feedback when he developed that travesty that is known as Festina Peche. Ugh.

Okay, back on track…

I really, really liked Brew Masters and we’ll set up the old TiVo to catch the next episode. Rather than read any more of my blather, here’s what the cool kids say about the show:

Brew Public
I especially like this write up because it mentions something I noticed when watching the first episode of Brew Masters: The Blue Moon commercials. As I’d suspected, the craft beer literati and the microbrew snobs have come out retching and kvetching about this. Never mind that in the first episode of Brew Masters, we were shown what a small percentage of the beer market is actually occupied by the likes of Dogfish Head Brewing. So you don’t like Coors. So you don’t like Blue Moon. Fine. Shut the fuck up, drink your $9/four pack beer and let the unwashed masses underwrite your beer-related television viewing entertainments through their purchases of the vastly cheaper beers made by the likes of Coors. (Cheaper and less inspiring, for sure.) Or, show some testicles and boycott the damned show, boycott Dogfish Head, boycott Coors and boycott the Discovery Channel. If not, at least shut the fuck up.

The Brew Lounge
One of the comments posted at this blog takes a swipe at the inaugural episodes rap-music fixation, perhaps having forgotten that the beer being brewed is to honor the re-release of Miles Davis’ Bitches Brew by Sony Records. (Or something…)

Wall Street Journal
I don’t actually read the Wall Street Journal much.

Here’s what Beer Advocate posted about Brew Masters.

I’m bushed. Must be all the turkey I’ve eaten the last day or so….or the beer.

Stinker Alert! Buffalo Bill's Bad Batch! (Sorry)

The Jury’s In.

This year’s batch of Buffalo Bill’s Pumpkin Ale is a stinker. At least the Buffalo Bill’s Pumpkin Ale that was shipped to the Phoenix, Arizona market is a stinker.

I picked up a single of BBPA at the local Total Wine store on Saturday (not wanting to blow the dough for a full six pack in case my suspicions were confirmed) and on Sunday, I popped the top, and poured the contents to find a sour smelling, floater infested glass of tangy pumpkin ale, not at all in a league with their previous year’s efforts.

So for the 2010 historical record: A six pack of Buffalo Bill’s Pumpkin Ale purchased at Cost Plus was found to be sour smelling and tasting with intermittent flaky, paper-like floaters. A random single of Buffalo Bill’s Pumpkin Ale purchased at Total Wine was found to be sour smelling and tasting with small speck-like floaters.

Sorry Buffalo Bill. See you next year.

On a Positive Note.

In my quest for a single bottle of BBPA, I snagged a single of Lakefront Brewing’s Pumpkin Lager, remembering how enjoyed their pumpkin offering last year in Denver and a single of Abita Brewing’s Pecan Harvest (and some others) remembering with fondness a bunch of Shiner Holiday Cheer’s that I’ve enjoyed. (You remember that one from Texas that’s brewed with pecans and peaches…ah, delicious.)

I first enjoyed Lake Front’s Pumpkin Lager at a little Mexican restaurant on the west side of Denver almost a year ago exactly. The upside then was that they were having a special on this one and I originally recalled that it was on draft, but the more I think about it, the more I begin to recall that it was served in bottles. My brother-in-law was even coaxed into trying one and enjoyed it, I believe. I enjoyed it so much that when I returned from the Denver trip (last year’s Denver trip, not to be confused with this year’s Denver trip), I eagerly hunted the shelves of the local booze outlets hoping to find more, but to no avail.

Imagine my thrill at finding Lake Front Pumpkin Lager at Total Wine this past weekend. I don’t know if it was simply setting and circumstance, but my notes this time don’t measure up to that initial sampling. Here are the two separate entries.
October 7, 2009
More spice than pumpkin. Very good spiced pumpkin taste. Enjoyed as a prelude to getting my ass kicked at pool
(Did I mention that my brother-in-law is an accomplished pool player?)
October 17, 2010
Cloudy bronze. Weak head. Slightly sour smelling but with noticeable pumpkin smell. Vaguely sour, not especially spicy. Not as good as I recall it from Denver a year ago.

Indeed. I believe the October 2009 sample was all the more tasty because of the pleasant company of my brother-in-law. Setting and circumstance, people.

The notes for Pecan Harvest are certainly more hopeful than for BBPA this year and even as compared to the Lakefront Pumpkin Lager:
Copper colored with a thin head. Good – not like anything I can think of. Nutty roasted tasting – a bit rich and probably not something you’d want to drink a bunch of.

No, not a bunch, but just right if two or three is your goal for an afternoon under a tree in the back yard.

That’s it. I’ve got a busy rest of the week and a busy weekend coming up, then, this time next week I’ll be preparing for a two-day jaunt up to Flagstaff on work-related business and I’m hoping to visit Mogollon Brewing during my free time on Friday. (See them at http://www.mogbrew.com/)

Golden City Brew-Ha Ha. Gimme a Coors.

Wherein a native Coloradoan gets a lesson in just how much has changed in 33 years.

I’ve returned from a trip to Colorado and, by and large, it was a nice, if somewhat poignant visit for me. Nevertheless, from the standpoint of new beers sampled and new places visited, there was one significant negative experience that I’ll relate now to get the ugliness out of the way.

Last Friday I went out of my way to find their establishment and, arriving to find an adjacent beer garden full of laughing patrons, I entered through the open front door and approached the counter where I enjoyed the pleasure of being ignored by two or three folks for a couple of minutes, while a line formed behind me – a line occupied by at least one individual who was obviously past the point of intoxication.

Eventually, a woman washing dishes in a back room leaned around the doorframe to ask, “Have you been helped?”

“No,” says I, finally hopeful that I’d gotten in with the right person in the joint. I quickly stated that I’d like a glass of stout.

“We’re closed,” came the reply from the dishwasher. The stunned look on my face must have provoked her into adding that they were only filling containers or some such. (Remember, the beer garden outside is FULL of people.)

I was still attempting to register this nugget of knowledge – and I’m sure the dumb expression on my face told the story – when a second woman, similarly clad in a red t-shirt, sauntered into view. She cast a look toward me and based on her expression I felt the impulse to further explain myself (I frankly don’t recall if she bothered to ask my business). I restated my request for a beer and then trailed off saying, “….but I understand you’re closed.”

The snotty tone of her monosyllabic reply echoes in my head even today, a full week later: “Yeah,” she said, with a sort of rising inflection at the end that implied, “what are you, a moron?”

I stammered something about the price of a t-shirt and said maybe I’d buy one, though in my mind I knew immediately that I’d never, ever purchase another Golden City Brewery product again in my life. I took the brief walk of shame toward the door and out into the fading light of a Colorado evening. My hopes of sampling a local stout dashed.

Golden City Brewery touts itself as the second largest brewery in Golden, Colorado. For now, my money will go to support the biggest brewery in Golden, Colorado because, for all their big business, stomp-the-little-guy swagger, Coors still makes decent beer and their staff aren’t wankers – at least not in my experience.

In closing, let me state that before heading over to Golden to be ill used by the staff at Golden City Brewery, I sampled a bomber of their Mad Molly’s Brown Ale. Here are my notes, verbatim (remember, I jotted these before heading out to find Golden City Brewery):

Smells of chocolate in the bottle. Pours whiskey brown with a thin but respectable head. It’s either too carbonated or I’m using the wrong glass or both. Slightly nutty, vaguely chemical. Thin mouth feel means it works on a hot day. Not great. 4 or 5

So the one GCB beer that I did manage to purchase (at a liquor store) was okay – let’s say mediocre. But get this straight: It’s okay to make mediocre beer, perhaps it’s even okay to make bad beer if you behave like a decent human being, but if you make mediocre beer and you and your staff are jackhole’s to boot, we’re going to have problems.

Check back soon; I’ve got nice things to say about Breckenridge Brewery and Tommyknockers Brewery!

Stick a (pitch) Fork In It

Devilish Hypocrisy

Well, I’d intended to make my next post about the results of the Beer Rant 2009 Gimmick Poll, however local news has come up and I think it warrants a mention, in lieu of my goofy, gimmick poll.

In the last week or so, I’ve followed (somewhat) a local story involving San Tan Brewing in the southeast valley. Seems brewpub owner Anthony Canecchia has been told by Arizona State University that he must stop using the name “Sun Devil Ale” to promote one of his fermented concoctions. (Don’t bother with my weak explanation of the back-story; you can see the East Valley Tribune article here.)

Disclaimer: I’m a graduate of ASU and a lifetime alumni member, but I’m no fan of ASU and I’ll tell you why. Everything that I ever got from ASU that was worth a darned, I earned with the dollars from a monthly GI Bill check and the sweat of my brow, wrung out over the pages of a stack of liberal arts textbooks. In return for my studies and an effort that earned the words Summa Cum Laude on my diploma, all I’ve ever gotten from ASU is a continual stream of what I call “mooch letters” asking me to upgrade my alumni status or asking me to donate to put other folks through school. In response, I say: I’m perfectly dissatisfied with the level of my alumni membership and don’t wish to “upgrade.” And as for others seeking to plumb my pockets to make their tuition payments, I say, “join the Army.” (So there’s your disclaimer. Even as an alumnus, I’m no fan of ASU.) Naturally, I rather admired the plucky determination of the small brewer in the face of the academic mafia.

Imagine my shock and dismay when I received in the mail today a tri-fold flyer touting the latest “alumni advantages” and upon opening it, I spied an article inviting me to a launch party for “Devil’s Pitchfork Pale Ale” at Four Peaks Brewery (find the link to their brewery yourself).

Okay. So it’s not alright for a brewer in the southeast valley to put out a beer called Sun Devil Ale,” but it’s okay for a brewer in Tempe to put out a beer called “Devil’s Pitchfork Pale Ale.”

Hmmm. This casts some of the gimmick poll questions in a new light. I smell boycott here folks. Granted, I’m not a big customer of Four Peaks but I have purchased their product in the last year, and I even shipped some to an out-of-state aficionado, bent on sampling some of their IPA. Will I refrain from patronizing Four Peaks now, in light of what ASU and the Alumni Association seem to be doing to Anthony Canecchia, a rival brewer? I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m not going to sign up to be one of the select few ASU alumnus who get to sample Devils’ Pitchfork Hypocrisy Ale at the launch party and I’ll be buying San Tan Brewing products before I bother with anything from Four Peaks.

We in the beer blogging world thump our chests and spout off about supporting the little guy and tell everyone to “drink local.” What do you do when one of the local brewers is using the might of an entrenched academic mafia to stomp on the efforts of another local brewer?

And what of Mr. Canecchia? Looks as though he knows hypocrisy when he sees it, too. Here’s the latest on his fight, in light of the announcement about Four Peaks Devils’ Hypocrisy Ale. Looks like news of the launch party has already reached San Tan Brewing.

I wonder if there would be trouble if I showed up at the launch party wearing a San Tan Brewing shirt.

I'll get back to you with something on the Gimmick Poll later. I'm spent.

Nogne O Winter Ale

I can’t pronounce it, but I can darned sure drink it!

I’ve already mentioned that I haven’t been tearing through the holiday beers as much as I did last year. Could be a number of reasons: (1) we’re more broke this year and I know that some of these holiday offerings will be on the sale rack in a couple weeks (2) I’ve had a houseful of women kinfolk this past week and consequently, I’ve been drinking less in an effort to keep my wits about me. (Men are generally less intelligent than wimmin and it only gets worse when the ladies congregate and a fellow gets a belly full of barley pop – I tend to say the dumbest things about six bottles into the evening!) (3) perhaps I’ve settled on a few seasonals that I know I’ll like and have wisely decided to pick only a couple of rare birds for sampling.

In any event, Mrs. Beer Rant and I stumbled upon a bottle of Nogne O in the seasonal rack at the Arrowhead outlet of Total Wine and More the week before Christmas. The bottle wasn’t pricemarked and some stooge had probably returned it to the wrong shelf but I decided to take a chance, agreeing with the Missus that we’d discard the bottle at the checkout counter if it proved to be too pricey. Well, the beeping scanner put the price at 8 bucks and change. I looked at Mrs. Beer Rant. Mrs. Beer Rant looked at me. I said something like, “I’ve never had a beer from Norway,” and that was that.

Damn. I wish I’d found a second bottle and bought that one too!

At 8.5% abv, this Nordic beauty trips the line between a hardy winter warmer and a sly seasonal session beer. It pours dark brown and opaque with a rich, robust tan head. I sampled it at slightly lower than the label recommended 53 degrees but no matter. Winter Ale smells like a porter, has a medium thick mouth feel and is literally like no beer I’ve ever tried before. It’s almost liquor like in taste but with no alcohol bite whatsoever. There is a hint of chocolate in there and I believe this beer is something like an imperial stout or porter would taste if one could get past what is often an overpowering alcohol bite. Terrific!


To top it off, I enjoyed this single bottle of Nogne O Winter Ale relaxing in the backyard while the grandkids cavorted through piles of freshly raked leaves. I may never know perfect, but I'm up to my eyeballs in good enough. Thank heaven.

Here’s what some better beer bloggers and reviewers have to say:

NY Press (I especially like this one. You think craft brewers in the U.S. have obstacles, read about what goes on in Norway for a real eye-opener!)

If you want a great laugh, if you appreciate obscure references to the band “Sexual Chocolate,” or if you just want to hear two Hawaiian dudes try to pronounce Nogne O, go to the Two Beer Queers review of Winter Ale. If you don’t save their site as a favorite, Norse raiders will pluck your nose hair while you sleep!

For an obscure reference to Bing Crosby, check out this review of Winter Ale at Spokane Food Blog.


Schadenfreude?
Frequent abusers here will know that I’m no fan of Dogfish Head and their recitative attempts at uber-quirkiness. I rarely buy a full six-pack or 4-pack of their product until I’ve assured myself that the contents will be palatable; their Festina Peche is no exception. I thought the bottle I sampled was miserable and evidently the beer drinking masses agree; at least the beer drinking masses that shop at the Sunflower Market just up the road from Beer Rant HQ. If you “hurry” you can buy a 4-pack of Festina Peche for the 75% reduced price of 3 bucks and change! I say “hurry” because this same stack of beer has been in the markdown bin for the last three or four months! (For the record, I love Dogfish Head’s Pumpkin beer and their Chicory Stout.)

Schadenfreude? Perhaps. But I’m gratified to see that my beer tastes are pretty much in line with most of the drinking public, especially when it comes to fermented orange juice concentrate. If I had to make one drunken prediction for 2010, I’d have to say that Dogfish Head will finally come out of the hallway and rejoin a classroom full of well behaved, if somewhat precocious kids. Face it; you can’t continue to fool people into buying 9, 10 and 12 dollar four packs of weird beer forever!

(Fine, I’m a Beer Jerk.)

Still looking for:
More Shiner Holiday Cheer, more Nogne O, and Pyramid Snowcap

In the tank:
Deschutes Obsidian Stout
On the desk:
Nothing but an empty Deschutes bottle.



Vote the poll, people! Vote the poll!

Nein, nein, oh nein! A Retraction

I created the posting label “Beer Jerk” for a reason, people. When I apply it to one of my blog postings, I mean to say that I’m being a beer jerk. Which is to say, the posting is probably off the mark.

Back in July I posted a short piece called Hot-Weather Ramblings that dealt with, among other things, an article in the July/August issue of Beer Magazine. In that posting, I characterized a particular article in that issue as “rather inept.” Well, the author of that article somehow stumbled onto Beer Rant. (Don’t ask me how; we’re located off one of the most remote back roads on the entire Information Superhighway.) He left a comment that was far more diplomatic than necessary, asking me to explain my characterization of his article as “inept” (or “rather inept”). Frankly, he had every right to call me out in stronger terms because after re-reading the article, I can’t find much fault with the content and were I to describe the article again, I’d certainly not call it inept, but perhaps “clumsy.” Understand, the article’s clumsiness is due entirely to issues related to layout and not due to content so the blame (if there is any) should fall on the magazine editor, not the author.

So, having inaccurately described Mr. Brooks’ article as “rather inept,” I’d like to point out the high points of the piece and hopefully describe the specific attributes that made the article clumsy in my opinion. The piece is broken down into about 18 sub-sections that cover a number of aspects of beer labeling policy and practice. I especially liked the section on measurements under the heading “Required Information.” The section entitled “The Long and Winding Road to Approval" is interesting and brought to mind the hoop-lah that attended Flying Dog’s slogan “Good Beer, No Shit.” The discussion of the differences between “alcohol by weight” versus “alcohol by volume” in the section “Fat or Heavy” was especially enlightening and finally, the explanation of the terms “out of code” and “gone bad” is good information for folks who wonder just how long a six-pack is allowed to sit on the shelf before being “recalled” by the brewer.

If I praise Mr. Brooks’ work to strongly now, it may come across as patronizing. All I can say at this point is that I was mistaken to describe his article as “rather inept” or “inept’ in any fashion. Upon a second reading I find that I’m most bothered by the fact that some of the text of his piece is barely legible because of the editor’s poor choice of background photographs. This probably won’t matter one bit, if, as Mr. Brooks mentions in his comment, the article is aimed at a “younger audience.” Kids today don’t know from subtly, nuance or turn of phrase; they’re probably just looking at the pictures, which makes the illegible text immaterial.

I want to thank Mr. Brooks for having left such an even-handed comment in response to my harsh criticism of his article – he certainly had every right to use stronger language. He strikes me as an even handed fellow and nobody with such a love of the common “French Fry” could possibly be all bad, right? Don’t believe me? See Mr. Brooks’ French Fry blog HERE!

Some recent label anomalies I've found:

When is a lager, not a lager? When you're in Texas. Then it's an ale!

Guess where was when I found this "unlawful to remove" sticker on a bottle of beer.

Hot Weather Ramblings

We had some fun at my nephew’s birthday party yesterday – he’s only a couple years younger than me, but he’s seen a lot more, I’ll wager. For the fun of it, I picked up some Boulder Brewing Never Summer Ale and some Deschutes Inversion IPA. Given that the room was filled with a bunch of displaced Coloradoans, I’m not surprised that the Never Summer Ale went over a bit bigger. Nevertheless, I’m left with a couple and I’m tossing them back as I jot this post.

I am surprised to see this is their version of a winter seasonal…wha’? It’s really good and I think I’ve blogged it before so I won’t go much into it except to say it’s malty, tastes like bread and finishes dry.

I just like the name – Never Summer Ale – because it conjures up images of a past life spent in Colorado, and a failed attempt at a second life there after military service. You can’t go back folks. But you can pine away, living off the false recollection of what a place was and will never be again. What I do know is that it’s hotter than hell here at Beer Rant HQ and it’s significantly cooler up in the high country in a little place called Clear Creek County, Colorado.

On the other hand, come December, some place with a name like “Winterhaven” will seem awfully nice, too. It brings to mind something that a very wise fellow told me when I was in the army: “As a rule, man’s a fool. When it’s hot, he wants it not, when it’s not, he wants it hot.” (That guy rose to the rank of major general. I think he’s pretty smart.)

Cut ‘em Some Slack
I think we give the macro brewers too much grief – they probably don’t notice anyway – but we’re a bit hypocritical when it comes to the standards we set for the Miller/Coors/Bud conglomerates versus what we let some of the small fry get away with. Budweiser was excoriated for calling one of their beers “drinkable” in a recent ad campaign. Well, since the advent of that little goof, and the resulting web explosion, I’ve begun paying more attention to what the so-called micro-and craft-brewers are printing on their labels. I see the same sort of inane glittering generalities on labels from craft brewers as well, including the likes of Dogfish Head, too, folks. They characterize their Indian Brown Ale as “clean,” which I take to mean it’s not brewed with water taken from the Ganges River. (C’mon folks. If we’re going to set a standard, let’s have it apply to everyone or just drop it.)

The Dating Game
Speaking of labels: the last issue of Beer magazine had a rather inept article explaining how to read a beer label. (Thank heaven those nice folks at Coors have come up with those temperature sensitive labels so we know when our beer is cold, and thank heaven for the editors of Beer magazine, who will help us decipher the mysterious world of beer labels.) One of the label characteristics covered in the piece was date stamping or freshness dating. Well, again, I’ve begun paying more attention to beer labels lately and I have to say that freshness dates only work if you (meaning the brewers) actually use them. I recently encountered a label (Lost Coast Brewing Raspberry Brown Ale) whereon none of the months of manufacture were “notched.” What am I to take this to mean? It’s a bit like buying a new car battery and not punching the month and year of sale. (Grease monkeys will know what I’m talking about.) Bottom line: Freshness dating is a joke, in both the macro and micro brewing worlds. If consistency isn’t the be all, end all of brewing and beer drinking, then why the hell do we even care when a beer was “born”? Likewise, if we’re going to have a dating system, then let’s stick to it.

Gosh. I didn’t really intend to go all Beer Jerk in this post. I’m really just cranky because of the heat. All the Never Summer Ale is gone. I’ve had a Deschutes Inversion IPA and a Michelob something-or-other and I’m feeling a little better now.

Happy Birthday Dane!

Beer Magazine: An Amateur’s Appraisal

I’m sort of in the market for a decent beer-related periodical. I want a decent value for my buck and I’m hoping to find something that I’ll enjoy reading – if not cover-to-cover, then nearly cover-to-cover. I pick up the odd copy of beer magazines when I see them. I’ve got the March 2009 issue of All About Beer and the July-August 2008 issue of Draft.

More recently, I picked up the July-August issue of Beer. This is actually my second copy of Beer magazine; I have the September-October 2008 issue sitting on the shelf, too. There may be a couple reasons why I’ve got two issues of Beer when I’ve only got one each of the others: Beer is more widely available and their magazines always sport some hot chick on the cover. (Yeah, I notice these things.)

But frankly, I’m still trying to decide where to send my subscription money and that’s a conversation for another time. Perhaps when I finally decide, I’ll make a post that spells out the reasoning behind my choice.

Meantime, I’d like to touch briefly on the good and the bad in the current issue of Beer magazine. No question, Beer magazine is aimed at a younger demographic that mine. The text is full of references to testicles, tits, and farts. The article format is an odd hybrid of the old USA Today, block section, microwave-cooking style aimed at busy folks with short attention spans. Okay, that’s fine. I’ve got a short attention span but as I’m getting older, I find that an organized, coherent format is always reassuring.

In the current (July-August) issue, I especially liked the Beer Anatomy segment dealing with Rauchbiers, that smoky style of beer that reportedly originated in Bamburg, Germany, centuries ago. I’ve enjoyed every smoked beer I’ve tried so far but my list is fairly short (Aecht Schlenkerla, Alaskan Smoked Porter and Stone Smoked Porter come to mind and the only three I remember trying to date). This article was informative, with really good tips on serving temperatures as well as terrific background on the variations of smoked beers. Noticeably absent from their list of common smoked beers was Alaskan Smoked Porter. I’d be curious to know if a brewer’s advertising history has anything to do with their odds of appearing on such a list.

Other highlights: I always enjoy the advertising because it gives me a notion of what to expect in the way of coming attractions. I really like the Taste Test section because, in addition to rating beers, they’ve gone the extra mile and included maps indicating what beers are available in what states. I like the beer models, too.

Now the downside. (Where I go all Beer Jerk.) I’m not a writer so I’m probably the least qualified person to be giving writing tips or criticisms. On the other hand, I am an experienced reader, which should qualify me to point out pointless dreck when I read it. The article entitled “Beer Worth Waiting For” is a hopeless hash of haphazard hooey. The piece is evidently about special release parties that brewers throw to bring out their limited release beers, but it’s too inside baseball to be of any use to me. I’m probably not hip enough to understand some of the references but I think I’m more in the loop listening to an hour of Howard Stern than I was trying to read this nonsensical piece. I’ll just end it there and assume the author was drunk when she wrote the article, the editor was drunk when he accepted the article and that, in order to preserve the natural order of things, I should have been drunk when I read the article.

That’s it folks. You didn’t ask for it, but there it is. Based on style, content and format, I’d have to say that Beer magazine is not high on the list of beer magazines for which I’d pay to have a subscription, but I’ve yet to fully explore the other options. I’m hoping to get something that’s monthly, inexpensive, reasonably educated but not snooty. I’ll keep looking.

Oregon and Bust

Don’t expect much and you’ll never be disappointed. That’s the best piece of advice I never got growing up. Admittedly, my recent quick jaunt to Klamath Falls, Oregon and back was really for the purpose of helping a buddy of mine drive a truck back to the desert southwest, but as the time for our departure drew near, I found myself fantasizing about the new beers I would find and acquire, even allowing myself the delusion of thinking perhaps I’d be able to bring some Oregon beers back to Beer Rant HQ.

In the end, I brought back just two bottles of Oregon beer.

My original draft of this post was way longer, but I’m reminded of a new year’s resolution of sorts; I’d promised to be more, shall we say, “concise” in my posting.

So, here’s the quick dope on my trip to Oregon and back.

Had a Guinness and a hamburger at Phoenix Sky Harbor airport.

Got held up at the ticket counter in San Francisco, thus missing an opportunity to visit the Anchor Steam Brewpub in the terminal. Settled for a bottle of Anchor in the waiting area. (I paid about $7 USD for that damned bottle of liquid bread.)

Arrived in Klamath Falls about 10 PM on a Friday. My buddy and I located his son outside the terminal and we quickly decided to stop at The Creamery, a local brewpub. (Now here is where I must violate my new year’s resolution and go into painful, plodding detail, if only to shine the searing light of shame on the place that is “the creamery.”

The Creamery: Don’t Bother (Us)

We wound our way through the rain-dampened streets of town and pulled up outside The Creamery with its blazing neon cow sign. I fetched my beer notebook out of the back of the car and we ambled in, planning to have a snack and at least one beer.

We stepped inside to find the circular bar almost fully occupied and the place well lit, but from there things went downhill in a hurry. As we approached the bar, one of the patrons turned and muttered something ending in the word “closed.” I looked at him like an out of town idiot (which I was at that point) and he muttered again, “kitchen’s closed.”

Okay, no problem, we’ll have a beer. We continued to amble around the corner of the bar and the barman says he’s through serving for the night. It’s barely 10:30 at night on a Friday, people! I’m not enough of a prick to spout off stuff like, “I just flew in from Arizona to sample your beer!” or “I’m a beer blogger and I was expecting to sample some of your product!” It’s just not that critical to me at this point. My buddy and his son (who lives in Klamath Falls and thought the whole episode was ridiculous) wandered back out to his car, proceeded to a Safeway store that looked like something right out of 1970 where we bought a six pack of Full Sail Ale and a six pack of Widmer’s Drop Top Amber Ale.

So here’s where I go all beer-jerk.

If the beer produced at The Creamery is any good at all, I figure they have two options: 1. They need to shut down their storefront “brewpub” and start bottling right now. The owners need to stop pretending to be in the restaurant business, roll up their sleeves, acquire some bottling or canning apparatus and get that tasty beer out to the folks. (They also need to fire any dork barkeep who shuts down the operation at 10:30 on a Friday night.)
2. If their beer actually sucks, they need to get out of the business altogether because it’s pretty clear they don’t have the restaurant business model figured out and if their beer sucks…well, do the math. In the midst of a microbrew/craft brew renaissance they’ll never make it if they plan on catering simply to the good folk of Klamath Falls.

Do I sound bitter? Do I sound like a beer jerk? Darned right I am. I did travel quite a long distance – not simply to sample beer at a place called the creamery – yes I did. In the end, I managed to get back to Beer Rant HQ with two bottles of beer from Southern Oregon Brewing Company, one a nice pale ale and another called a gold ale. I’ll get around to posting comments on them shortly. I won’t be bothering with anything concerning the creamery again, unless it’s to pile on more ridicule. Yeeesh!